Saturday, August 13


first off an apology is in order for the unexpected lack of wackiness last week. competing schedules, and a bunch of work made for a day completely uncondusive for wacky times. and also this one is kinda late cause I haven't had time enough to write it, but at any rate, here we go.

The day started off easy enough with a roommate feud from room to room over instant messenger. Issues discussed included, toilet paper purchasing, house cleaning, dirty dishes, and girlfriend/broham time management skills. Our nonconfrontational confrontation was resolved well enough to get the day underway. On a side note, we saw at the stop at the bank on the way out we saw the smallest car Ive personally ever seen, anyways. We had decided to go to the beaufort fun park. Its a little tiny like recreational place type thing, its got a bunch of stuff to do but its all geared towards really young kids and good wholesome families. So yeah, we fit right in. We enter through the arcade and immediately we realize after approaching the counter, that Alex forgot the 2 for 1 tickets we printed off their website, we were denied even after pleading our case, so this will be a full priced affair, fortunately the most expensive thing you can do here is $5.50.

Activity one: go karts. We are nearly alone at this place, but when we get over to go karts we had to wait through a couple of little kids racing on the track cause the big kids aka me and Alex aka grown men, cant race in the big kid cars with the little kid cars. Finally its our turn. Alex beats me at a round of roshambo as his scissors slice my paper with ease and he earns the right to the car in front. He leads the race for at least the first half of our laps around, then I take the inside and lead for the last half and Alex spend the rest of the race attempting Georgia highway patrol brand pit maneuvers on my car and just generally bashing me around to the dismay of the track employees that included a fat sweaty child molester type dude. At any rate I get the checker flag, and hive decided to keep score this Wednesday so ill give myself one point.

Activity two: batting cages. There isn't much to say about this one. Small helmets, short bats, 50 mph balls. I hit more than Alex did so I'll give myself another point.

Activity three: euro bungee. This thing is kinda weird, its 2 long fiberglass twigs that attach to straps that in turn attach to a crotch scrunching harness. And you just basically jump up and down on an inflatable trampoline thing and it sends you flying up in the air. I unfortunately wasn’t able to do this one cause they said I was too fat. Motherfuckers. 5 minutes of crotch scrunching, uncomfortable laughter, Alex falling off the trampoline at the end, and a story about how the fiberglass twigs once snapped and nearly killed 2 people knocking one unconsious, and Alex has earned the only uncontested point of the day. But on my girth's behalf I will also grant a point to the McDonald's® Dollar Menu™.

Activity Four: Rock climbing. They have one of these portable rock walls set up there, and I was on the weight limit for this one as well, but the lady said she’d let me anyways, thanks lady. We get set and decide to race up the thing. We get our crotches smushed into harnesses again and we’re off to the races. It was going well until I got about half way up and realized I didn’t have anything bigger than a grape to grab onto with my left hand and I just kinda hung out there for a bit until Alex got to the top. So another point to Alex for getting to the top first, but I will give myself a point also for being the first to the ground. My fingers still trembling with stress of holding up my apparently ginormous self it was off to the next activity.

Activity five: super slide. The super slide is this huge inflatable slide thing. It was now I realized that nearly everything in this bumblefuck park was either inflatable or portable in someway. Anyways we go up and do the slide. You’ll notice that in the first picture unbeknownst to Alex, I am about a second away from shoving him across the slide into the corner where he met with stagnant stinking water from rain from weeks previous that left him with wet pants and feets. The second time we went down Alex went down kinda feet firstish and rolled down the bottom part, on suggestion from the lady working the slide, I go down head first on my back, and at the first bump I get tossed and basically give myself a powerbomb at the bottom part and I go flailing down the rest of it. Point to Me due to Alex’s wet jeans. Alex then relieved himself of his socks and we began the homestretch.

Activity Six: ticket time. We went back into the arcade and some of you might or might not know that me and Alex are somewhat expert at ticket procuring arcade games. We played some ski ball, wheel of tickets, alien ball mouth thing and a bunch of other stuff. One in particular I saw Alex playing was thing one where you put a token in and it drops a bouncy ball down onto a moving wheel with holes in it, the holes are labeled with numbers that correspond to the number of tickets you get. I got a 50 and several 25s, Alex got a one and a five, and a one. Point to me for having the highest GTP (gross ticket product). Before we cashed in our tickets we had our picture done in a little stand up photo booth thing where it tricks you into thinking that a shitty black and white print out is actually a sketch of you done by a renaissance master, I think we chose Raphael, but I cant really remember. The picture came out bad, you can see me pretty good but Alex is but a ghostly shell of himself. Point to me for not being a vampire. We then traded in our 275 tickets for 6 Chinese finger traps, a shitload of jelly rings, and 2 plastic prosthetic fingertips with red painted fingernails. We said our byes to the high school ladies that had been escorting us through our family style fun and exited.

On the way home I decided I wanted to stop at one of those roadside melon stands so we did just that. I bought a bag of scuppernongs which I promptly spilled all over the ground 3 seconds post-purchase, and a cantaloupe. Point to me for buying scuppernongs from a weird black guy on the side of the road.

That’s about it for this week. Here are the final standings,*I have deducted one point from Alex's total for forgetting the coupons.

Alex: 1
tadd: 7
McDonald's® Dollar Menu™: 1


  • hmm...i think a rescoring is needed here...

    i think tadd's phrasing of the go kart race, "i take the inside and lead" could go something more like, "alex slowed down so he could smash me since he was pretty far ahead most of the race." BEGIN RESCORE: point alex, and point mcdonald's for weighing down tadd's kart.

    tadd also conveniently forgot to award my point in the batting cage for getting more in air hits. we split that a point a piece.

    i think the rock climbing point tadd awarded himself was cheaply done, and if that's how the scoring is being maintained, then i award myself another point for winning the rock scissors paper match, and another for getting more kart smashes on tadd. tadd gets minus a point in rock climbing for trying to use my foot as a rock to support himself upon.

    tadd's point in the slide match was fraudulently rewarded as he clearly violated the "stay on your side" rule of inflatable fair slides. so i will minus one point but give him another for the awesome picture that his hijinx produced. so he stays even on that one.

    tadd also exaggerated the ticket amounts earned, while he did in fact receive a 50 point win on his first bouncy ball attempt, the reaming numbers were inflated, or deflated in my case. his point remains for the overall win.

    no points awarded in the photo because although tadd did come out better in the "sketch" i think i tricked him into paying. if anything, point to me.

    tadd however does not receive a point for stopping to get scuppernogs because he spilled them immediately, and also misspelled them. so in fact that is a minus one. ok lemme retally the scores here...

    Alex: 6
    Tadd: -1
    McDonald's® Dollar Menu™: 2

    By Blogger ALEX WEDNESDAY, at 11:50 AM  

  • 3 entries found for scuppernong.

    scup·per·nong Audio pronunciation of "scuppernong" ( P ) Pronunciation Key (skpr-nông, -nng)

    1. See muscadine.
    1. A cultivated variety of the muscadine grape with sweet yellowish fruit.
    2. A wine made from this grape.

    By Blogger TADD WEDNESDAY, at 2:32 PM  

  • No entry found for scuppernog.

    By Blogger TADD WEDNESDAY, at 2:33 PM  

  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    By Blogger TADD WEDNESDAY, at 2:33 PM  

  • -1 point for correcting me in public.

    By Blogger ALEX WEDNESDAY, at 2:50 PM  

  • i haven't read this entry yet but have you ever had scuppernong wine? it's DELICIOUS!

    By Blogger swirlogirl, at 11:18 PM  

  • i like this one

    idea submission: statesboro has a winery (what?) and they have grape stomping. do it.

    By Blogger amanda, at 5:49 PM  

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