Thursday, July 28


with somewhat matching wal-mart swimsuits and tank tops, we began the sweltering heat of week eight with a trip Statesboro's only attraction, Splash in the Boro. this place is a tiny ass water park, that looks like it used to be a community pool. why someone decided to place a water park in the middle of nowhere is a mystery to me, but we gave it a shot. we arrive early afternoon, pay admission and stroll in find this place is packed. whining kids, sunburnt hicks, indifferent lifeguards, and us. one father/son pairing of inspiration was tanning as we passed, where tadd noticed that pops had a single nipple pierced on 300+ pound frame. we get a locker and hit the trusty lazy river portion of the park, make a couple passes splashing like babies and decide to check out the three tiny water slides have. wait. the locker key is missing. DAMMIT. at some point during the tame river float the key drops out of my pocket. im all pissed because now we have to pay to have the locker opened and all our shit is in there including wallets and camera. also trapped in our locker was the high powered spf 50 sunblock we brought for our delicate skin. genius. man i was pissed. so i snapped tadd in the back with my wet tank top. i felt a little better, though tadd didnt share my relief. so figuring if we couldnt find the key, no one else would, thus our stuff is still safe, even from ourselves.

we get in line for the tube slide, expectations pretty low. but damn, that was fun. its pretty basic, you sit in an inner-tube, the guard blankly blurts "go" and you shove off, but swirling in a tube is so fun for some reason. someone explain it to me. seeing as how we both had a ton of fun, we decide to get the two person tube hit it again. after navigating the line again, we reach the top and start down again, tadd starts flailing and kicking me in the head trying to get us flying up the sides. we get so high in fact that maybe near halfway down i fly out and am getting pushed down the remainder of the slide by tadd captaining the tube alone. we failed to obtain a waterproof camera, so visual evidence of the fun is lacking, but trust us. the other two slides we lame. they were not nearly as fast and just sorta boring and short. i dunno. i dont even feel like writing about them. disappointing. we check out the pool portion of the park and have dive contests with little kids. during one such challenge, a seven year old asked if the pool was too deep for me. i proved to her i could make it, with minimal effects of the bends but lost a contact in the process. damn her. i was getting bored, but i think tadd was having fun poking through the lanes, reminiscing about his ole' swim team days.

around this time we checked back in with the gift shop and thank god some redneck samaritan found our key and turned it in. so to celebrate we cruised to the snack stand, which was also flooded with people. some nice old lady let us sit with her while she yelled hello to her grandkids. RAAACHELLLL! WHERES YOUR BROTHER? i would also like to mention the food was terrible.

at the entrance

the key was in there somewhere

giant water bucket thingy

lady we ate with

delicious statesboro food

we gathered our shit and pained our way back to the car with wails of how hot it was and that tadd was getting what he called "steak feet" because of the burning pavement.

we get home and after a brief rest we began our tae kwon do training with master jerry. master jerry shows up with his 70lb punching bag to prep us for the goal of breaking wood with our bare hands and feet. we show up in the the only martial arts gear we can muster up.

master jerry runs through the proper form in executing the maneuvers we'll be attempting, and also gave us some quick self-defense pointers should we ever need to throw someone out of a bar, or prevent ourselves from being thrown out. in the midst of our punching and "hee-yah"-ing we find a human turd and dead pigeon in the back yard where we've been practicing. thanks to our chi channeling, we successfully learned to ignore the foul aroma and focus on our goal. CHOP KICK PUNCH. we decide we're ready, walk out to the front where it's flat and go all out on wood busting. master jerry and tadd's sister hold the wood for us and snap snap snap each board busted on the first try, minus two. on one tadd grazed the top of the board attempting a flying front kick and i got stopped cold doing a knife chop on smaller, leftover piece of board. in the end we turned six pieces of wood into about twenty. the awesome thing was that master jerry did so well in preparing us that when attacking the wood, we sustained no bruises or pain after the fact. kung fu rules! i think the only injury suffered was a small scratch tadd got from a bit of splintered wood. the order of wood busting went something like this:

ALEX: elbow
TADD: elbow
ALEX: side kick
TADD: jump side kick
ALEX: knife chop
TADD: jump front kick
ALEX: jump front kick
TADD: knee



tadd's ultimate goal is to chop someone in the neck with a crescent kick. let's hope it's not me.


  • i love how no matter what the outfit is, tadd is always in black. black tanktop. black shirt for fighting. im not positive but i bet his bathing suit was made out of jeans. and those pants he is kickboxing in, those are black more comfortable pajamas jeans. glad to see someone with some dedication in their life, even if it is wearing the same outfit[s].

    tadd i love your sunburn.

    By Blogger lovesick, at 7:44 PM  

  • wow can anyone chop a piece of wood in half?

    By Blogger swirlogirl, at 8:47 PM  

  • tadd has very nice kung fu form.

    By Blogger amanda, at 11:09 AM  

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